Hello, it’s been a long time since I last posted on this site and I would just like to quickly say sorry for not posting on here, I have been focusing on my new blog ‘creations and cravings’ which is a food blog, but I am back! I promise to be more active here from now on.
Today, I decided to start a new series on my blog called ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’. As you already know, I am a very open person, I was brought up in a house that was very open about things such as sex. I have previously stated on this site that I have had sex before, but never really went into detail, so over this new series on my blog, I will be answering questions relating to sex. I will be talking about sex, virginity, contraceptives and many other things.
First things first, I am no expert, I am a teenage girl who has only been having sex for around 2 years. I am certainly no professional. Secondly, everything I talk about is my opinion and based on my own experiences and thirdly, these blog posts are been written for the purpose of educating people about sex and sharing my stories and views on the subject, if you believe you are too young to read these posts or don’t want to read about sex, stop reading now. I have many other posts that are ‘child-friendly’. These posts are for mature teenagers and adults, who want to read about sex and I do not need mean comments about how it is inappropriate for younger readers. I will be posting these posts in no routine, one week you may get 2 blog posts, next week you may only get one. If you have any questions relating to the subject, please feel free to tweet me, DM me or leave a comment below. It will be answered on here, anonymously.
Okay, so for the first installment, I want to talk about sex, I want to talk about how we think and talk about sex. If you feel like talking about sex is wrong, you need to get out of that mindset, sex if normal, I don’t care what part of the world you live in or what kind of household you grow up in, sex is normal, say it, say sex is normal, if you believe it isn’t you are never going to have a fulfilling sex life, it is impossible to enjoy and seek pleasure from something you feel is wrong and bad. For a couple minutes, I want you to forget the teachers at school and parents who told you that sex is wrong, I am telling you it’s a natural human thing.
Now before we move on, it is important to know the difference between ‘natural’ sex and the sex that isn’t. Yes, I did say sex is natural, but there are times when sex is made into a crime. I am talking about non-consensual sex. I am a strong believer that children and teenagers don’t just need to learn about puberty and contraceptives, but they also need to learn about consent, about what is wrong when it comes to sex, so many children fall victim to child abuse and sexual assault, because they are unaware that what is happening to them is wrong, because no-one’s told them what’s happening is not right. Yes, it’s not a nice subject to talk about, but what’s worse if a child or teenager going through abuse, alone and scared, unaware that they have rights when it comes to sex. Maybe, you can prevent teenagers pressuring other teenagers, like their girlfriend/boyfriends to have sex, by telling them at a young age that it is wrong to force someone to do something they are unready to do.
When having sex for the first time, or the 50th or 150th time, it is okay to say NO, it’s okay to say you’re NOT READY and it’s even okay to say ‘I DO NOT WANT TO’. Whether you are a girl or boy, these words are okay to say, I never want anyone to feel like they can’t say these words. I don’t care if you are in the middle of having sex, if you want to stop, say the word, you are not obligated to have sex with anyone. If you’re thinking about having sex, you need to be aware that you can say NO. I also don’t want people confusing peer pressure with being ready if you have friends or a partner that are pressuring you to do anything… let them go. NOW. Pressuring someone to do anything is disgusting and I cannot stand people like this. I have friends who had sex and others who haven’t, but I cannot imagine ever pressuring them to have sex, just because I have. Have sex when you are ready to, not when they are, everyone is different. You’re normal if you want to have sex or are having sex and you’re normal if you aren’t having sex. Remember this, when thinking about having sex.
Back to what I was saying, before I went off on one of my tangents… Talking about sex is a normal, natural thing. Whether you talk about it with your friends, parents, family member, doctor or someone like me, online ( I mean someone who has an advice blog, not same random person on the internet! REMEMBER, be careful on the internet, I will talk about sex and the internet in another post). I feel that talking about sex before having it is important, you may have questions about sex and there are people out there with legitimate, helpful answers. So, in light of this being my first blog post in my new series ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ I thought I would answer an FAQ about ‘thinking about sex’
- How painful is sex the first time?
It depends, for me personally, it hurt like hell, it was a horrible first experience, but everyone is different. It depends on lots of different things, firstly, his size matters, if he is bigger than average(like the boy I first had sex with) then it may hurt more. Some girls find that they did not bleed or feel any pain at all, some say there was little blood and it was a little bit painful. To avoid some of the pain, be in a comfortable setting, like your bedroom, use lube or a condom for ease and take it slow and steady.
Yes, sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, although it may not be a first, it should become enjoyable and fun after a couple of times. Don’t be scared to talk to the person you are having sex with about what you do and do not enjoy, to maximise your enjoyment while having sex, they say communication is key, the same applies when it comes to sex, talk to your partner about the sex, while having sex, let them know what you like and don’t like and vice visa. If sex isn’t fun and enjoyable for you then something needs to change in the bedroom!
- I want to start using birth control but I don’t want to tell my parents I’m having sex.
Unfortunately, not all parents are like my mum, some do not like the idea that their children are having sex, they think that if they do not talk about sex or contraceptives that their children won’t have sex, but that is a big mistake made by so many parents, not talking about sex doesn’t change your children having sex, they are still going to have sex, they are just going to be less informed and end up catching an STD or getting pregnant. ADULTS TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN/TEENS ABOUT SEX! ( I am talking about UK laws) If you are unsure what your laws for sex, contraceptives etc are in your country, use google to research. In the UK, you can go the doctors alone or with a friend and go on birth control, without your parents ever finding out, as the doctor cannot legally tell anyone about it, unless you are in danger or they believe you are putting someone in danger, by going on birth control, you are not doing either of those things, so you’re okay! There are many forms of birth control given by the doctors, but if you are too worried to go the doctors, buying condoms might be a better option. You can get them free at certain clinics in the UK. Another option is to ask a family member to go with you if you feel you want an adult with you. Aunties, uncles and cousins may be more understanding than your parents.
- How do I talk to my boyfriend/girlfriend about contraceptives?
Do not have sex until you two have spoken about contraceptives, staying protected when having sex is so important, there are so many STD’s out there and so many unwanted pregnancies, that not talking about this is a stupid mistake. Maybe it’s a little weird to talk face-to-face about it, okay, text them? Ask them if they are using any form of birth control and make sure to ask them before having sex, if they have condoms. It is not just the man’s job to carry condoms, so girls, make sure if you’re sexually active, you have a some on hand.
If you are thinking about going on the pill, I do have a blog post about the pros and cons of birth control, as I said I will have a ‘Let’s talk about sex’ post up soon all about contraceptives, but this one is all about the pill – https://lifeasshan.wordpress.com/2015/01/07/proscons-being-on-the-pill/
So, before you go out and have sex, remember these few things:
- Make sure you are ready
- Make sure you are either on birth control/ have condoms
- Make sure you are comfortable talking about sex before committing to having it.
- Know that there is someone you can talk to about sex
- If you feel like someone if taking advantage of you sexually, tell someone.
- Ask questions if you have any
I will see you soon with another blog post on ‘Let’s talk about sex’. It should be up within the next week, if you have any questions, you can comment below or DM on twitter – LifeAsShanx, just follow me, wait for me to follow you back and send a message :).