Posted in Advice♥, MyStorys, Women; It's safe here.

Why I NEED Feminism

Anyone who is a feminist out there has their own reasons for being one. Most of the time, these reasons are similar or the same to others, but their reasoning for needing it, that’s what different, because everyone’s experiences with the things that fuel the need for feminism in the first place are different.

Feminism. Yes, it’s a word and it’s not a bad one. Yet people are stigmatized for stating they are one. Just like periods, masturbation and fetishes, feminism isn’t taboo. It isn’t about some gender being a head of another. It’s about equality, something everyone should be concerned about. Yet, feminists get a reputation for being ‘crazy, lesbian, men hating ugly women’. Isn’t it funny how, when we are talking about equality and equal rights, people have to put a label on what they think the cause is about. They don’t agree with it, so they stick a label on the cause, they stigmatize these people. For what? The hope that less people will become a feminist? Because god for bid you become a ‘crazy, man hating women’ right? Wrong, it’s not funny. Not at all.

Although the feminism movement didn’t appear till the 1960s/1970s, women have been fighting for equal rights since 1848. The first women’s conference was held in Seneca Falls, America in 1848. It was at this time that women started to realise that in order to change society they would need their own organisations to do so. But it wasn’t really until 1897 that the move for women to have a vote actually started. Millicent Fawcett founded the National Union of Women’s Suffrage. The word ‘suffrage’ means the right to vote. She wanted a peaceful protest. She felt that any violence would persuade men that women could not be trusted. Her tactics were patience and logical arguments. She argued that if parliament made laws and if women had to obey those laws, then women should be part of the process of making those laws: she argued that women had to pay taxes, like men, they should have the same rights as men. It was unfortunate that her progress was very slow.

She converted some of the members of the Labour party (known as the labour representation committee back then), most men thought women wouldn’t be able to understand how parliament worked and therefore should not take part in the electoral process. This made women angry, which prompted the creation of the Women’s Social and Political Union in 1903 by Emmeline Pankhurst and her daughters.

The union became better known as the Suffragettes. The members of the suffragettes were prepared to use violence to get what they wanted. The suffragettes continued fighting for the right to vote, holding protests and even getting arrested for doing so. The Cat and Mouse Act was introduced to deal with hunger strikes that where being held by jailed suffragettes. The act would allow the suffragettes to starve while in jail if they did not want to eat, they would then release the suffragettes, so the government wasn’t responsible for the death on an inmate. Once they were fit and healthy again, they were re-arrested for any reason and this process would happen again. On the 8th June 1913, Emily Wilding Davison died after stepping out in front of King George V’s horse at the Epsom Derby on the 4th June 1913. She was a member of the Suffragette movement. She was their first martyr. In 1918, women over the age of 30( who also met a property qualification) were given the right to vote. It wasn’t until 1928 that all women over the age of 21 had the right to vote.

Of course, it didn’t end there. There was a lot that still needed to be fought. For instance, the pay gap between women and men, discrimination in the work place and sexual and physical violence issues.

In 1948, The NHS was introduced, which gave everyone access to free healthcare, where as before only the insured (mainly men) would benefit. In 1974 contraceptives become available, free under the NHS.

In 1977, the first rape crisis centre opened in London.

In 1985, The Equal Pay Act allowed women to be paid the same as men for the work of equal value.

In 1994, Rape in marriages was made illegal.

What shocks me more then the years in which some of these things were legalized or made illegal is that we are still having to fight for the most basic human rights. Men still earn more then women in some job roles or in some companies. Women and men are still subjected to physical, sexual and verbal abuse by partners, little is being done about these issues. Sexual harassment is a massive issue, one that seems to get swept under the rug more often then not.

Women and men are being sexually harassed all over the world, every second of every day. If you’re in a room filled with people right now, you can bet they have been harassed at some time in their life, and most likely it was sexual harassment. It’s to common and it shouldn’t be.

I need feminism because these women fought for my freedom. They fought for my vote, my access to free contraceptives, my right to have a legal abortion, to study anything I like, to have any Job I want, to file for a divorce, to own my own property, to have my own money. Most importantly they fought for me to be my own person. To be me, not just someone’s daughter, wife or mother. They gave me the freedom and decision to be whomever I wanted to be.

I need feminism because I am a victim of sexual abuse and our country does very little for abuse victims. Schools aren’t teaching the important issues of the world, but as long as you know algebra, who needs to know about the suffragettes and what an abusive relationship looks like… right? No, they need to learn these things in high school because too many teenage boys, boys who have grown up in the 21st century still think its acceptable to smack a girl on the ass, or stare at her chest. There are people out there that think groping, cat calling, inappropriate messages and unasked for nudes  are acceptable.

I need feminism because I am taught that walking alone at night, wearing a  short skirt or flirting is dangerous and that I should not do those things if I do not want to get raped. I live in a world, where we sexualize children, teach teenagers what to do to not get raped  and stigmatize women for living their life their own way. I live in a world where my 8 year old sister cannot take her top of at the beach, without someone telling me that it is wrong and she needs to out a top on. I live in a world where teenage boys are allowed to be young and silly. They’re allowed to be ‘boys’ but teenage girls need to careful and watch what they say and do. I live in a world where women fear walking down the street after a night out. Their heart beats faster and they start to panic when a man walks behind them in the dark. They get even more scared when that man approaches them, and he may only be asking her the time or for a lighter, but she has accepted in her head ‘this man is going to hurt me’. Why, why in 2017 is this even still possible? Why are women still living in fear? This is why I need feminism

I rejected a boy today. I was honest, I told him I didn’t have feeling for him and that I was attracted to someone else. He seemed fine about this at first, but suddenly his messages started getting meaner, he started picking at my past relationships, slut shaming me because I have talked about sex and stated I enjoyed it, I am not ashamed of that fact. Yet, he tried to make me feel like I shouldn’t talk about it openly, fuck him I thought.

So, what I took from this was, a boy who was told weeks ago of my feelings for another boy used verbal abuse to try an intimated me because he was mad at me for liking another boy or because, he wanted to make me feel bad about not liking him. It didn’t work. Neither of those reasons are okay. I respected that he may be upset but that does not mean I deserve any kind of verbal abuse for stating I did not like him, in the kindest way I could.

If I ignore a boys advances or messages, I start getting hate for it. I’ve been called a snob for ignoring a message on Instagram from someone I didn’t even know. I’ve been called a prude for not messaging back someone who sent me a nude at 1am on a Tuesday, waking me up. I have had people message me telling me I am showing a little too much of my body in pictures on Facebook. Apparently its okay for lads to pose in a mirror, flexing with no top on and caption it ‘finished my workout’ but not for a girl to post a picture in shorts and bralett captioned ‘feeling good today’. It’s the same f***ing thing!

Sexual Harassment isn’t just unwanted touching or advances. It’s all of those things I have mentioned and trust me, there are many more ways in which people are sexually harassed. It’s disgusting, we have come so far already, but we are nowhere near finished fighting for rights, for protection, for justice.

 

Shannon x

 

Advertisements
Posted in MyStorys

Baby Names I Love But Probably Won’t Use

I have seen this tag, normally done by youtubers floating around and I thought I would way in on some of my favourite baby names. There is one girl name and boy name that I adore that isn’t going to be on this list because they would quite possibly be the names of my babies, if I was to ever have some. Some names I love but simply wouldn’t use because I have a friend or family member with that name. Some I wouldn’t use because of their connection to someone I would rather not remember – basically some names were ruined by people, oh well. This is a list of baby names I love but probably won’t use, their meaning, origin, rank and why I love them.

Bethany    ‘Beth’

I love names that you shorten. For instance, this one. Bethany can be shortened to Beth. There has always been something about this name that I love, but for some reason, I could never use it for my own child. I don’t really know why. I like the name, just not on my own baby.

Origin – Hebrew.

Meaning – possibly means ‘house of figs’

Bethany was first listed in 1940-1949 and reached its top rank of #99 in the U.S. during the years 1980-1989, and is presently at #420. (2015 BIRTH STATISTICS)
Read more at http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/0/Bethany#keyVy1DtgrQoyfEz.99

Amelia 

I think this name is so pretty. However, I have a niece called Amelia, so I wouldn’t be able to use this name for my own child one day. My sister is also called Millie, which is a shortened version of the name Amelia, so that is another reason why I couldn’t use this name.

Origin – Latin and Old German 

Meaning –  Rival, eager work

Amelia reached its top rank of #12 in the U.S. in the year 2015. (TOP 2000 NAMES, 2015)
Read more at http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/0/Amelia#YfrJjHyb5xewuVrp.99

Aaron

I have a friend with this name, although I like the name, it would be too weird to have a childhood friend have the same name. So, that is why this one is also on this list.

Origin – Hebrew

Meaning – Mountain of strength 

Aaron reached its top rank of #28 in the U.S. in 1994, and is currently at #52. (TOP 2000 NAMES, 2015)
Read more at http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Aaron#bWijwPSf2ITHiZYw.99

Callum

I like names that begin with C, however this name is tainted. I would like to thank my friend for that one.

Origin – Latin, Scottish and Gaelic 

Meaning – Dove

Callum was first listed in 1995 and reached its apex position of #683 in the U.S. in the year 2015. (TOP BABY NAMES, 2015)
Read more at http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Callum#24qxxoiMCGM8lJye.99

Calla (Girl)

I love this name. I think it’s simple and pretty. I don’t know when I first heard this name but ever since I have liked it. In fact the only reason it is on this list is the closeness the name has to favourite boys name. This name could be used in the future.

Origin – Greek 

Meaning – Beautiful 

Calla reached its top rank of #770 in the U.S. in the 1880s, and is presently at #1565. (TOP 2000 NAMES, 2015)
Read more at http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/0/Calla#R6jOOBfdb9WC614K.99

Cassidy (Boy)

Again another C name. I like this name on a boy more then a girl, I know it is typically a girls name but as you can see I do like a fair few rare names. I mean the names I like aren’t out there by any means but they’re not all in the top of the charts. I like this name for a boy only because its different. I don’t hear it on a boy often.

Origin –  Irish, Welsh and Gaelic  

Meaning – curly-headed; ingenious, clever

Cassidy was first listed in 1970-1979 and reached its apex position of #861 in the U.S. in the 1980s, but is not in the Top 1000 at the moment. (2015 U.S. SSA RECORDS)
Read more at http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Cassidy#MSmPzR0fcq9ZZHJu.99

 

 

Posted in Q&AS, Uncategorized

My First Time!

I love doing tags and this one has been around YEARS but I was stuck for a blog post idea, so a Q and A it is!

FIRST boyfriend 

My first was called Brandon, we dated when I was 14.

Do you still talk to your FIRST love?

No, I don’t. I can honestly say I don’t know where he is or what he is doing right now.

FIRST Kiss 

My first proper kiss was at 14.

FIRST album you bought

I don’t actually remember the first album I bought, but the first album I received was a Mcfly one!

FIRST Crush 

Oh god, the first boy I liked was a boy in primary school who ended up moving away when we was in year 4.

FIRST thing you did this morning 

Check my phone… I know I know, typical me.

FIRST best friend 

I had a friend called Chloe up until year 4 and she left to go to another school and we lost contact. Her and her family just kind of disappeared, I have tried to reconnect but she doesn’t seem to have an online presence.

FIRST word 

I think it was dada or cookie. Of course it would be cookie.

FIRST facebook profile picture 

NO! On a serious note though, it was probably a picture of a dog or something stupid like that.

FIRST CONCERT you went too

JLS ( I wasn’t the biggest fan, however my auntie got me tickets)

FIRST sleepover

Probably with my second best friend, Rachel. We would have sleepovers every weekend.

FIRST job

I worked in a dog grooming shop, my first job wasn’t until last year!

FIRST tv show obsession

Friends. It was the first box set I got, closely followed by Gilmore Girls.

FIRST favourite band

Mcfly!

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Advice♥, MyStorys, Uncategorized

What is school all about? – BACK TO SCHOOL.

The year was 2014 and I fled my high school as soon as the teacher said ‘good luck’ to my entire year as we sat in assembly waiting for the teachers to finish babbling on about our future and how they’re a big part of our success – haha, they were jokers them lot!

As you can gather from my opener, I HATED high school. Now, it wasn’t the learning part. I liked that part, weird right? I didn’t the students or the place. If I was to do high school again, I’d have done it a little different but in the end I think my life would have lead a similar path either way. High school was a time of pain for me, my dad died, my boyfriend hurt me badly and I was bullied. It wasn’t the best time in my life, but regardless of all that, I tried my best to power through. Teachers in high school are so intense, they are always in your face about exams and how you need to apply yourself more to your work. I think sometimes they forget your a teenager. You’re crushing on the popular lad who sits in front of you in English. You’re falling in ‘love’ for the first time, you’re getting your heart broken for the first time or the third. You’re changing physically and mentally. You’re having your first period, you’re trying to figure out how to use a tampon, you’re worried that your pad is going to move during gym and you’re gunna have a Carrie moment right there in the changing rooms. Basically, you have a lot on and to top all those lovely feelings and emotions off, you’re dealing with teachers telling you what you do now will impact you’re entire future. Truth is, it won’t.

Now, I am not saying don’t turn up and pay attention. I still think learning is important. I just don’t think 15 year olds need the stress that is put on them by high school teachers. You may get crappy GCSE results or amazing results. What’s important is what you do after that. Do you give up? No. You go to college or get an apprenticeship or get a job. Those GCSE’s won’t define your future. They can be important if you want to go to a highly respected college or uni yes. But they aren’t a deal breaker. Not getting good results isn’t the end of the world. You’re 16, you shouldn’t be putting the world on your shoulders. Neither should any teacher, parent or friend.

School is about:

1. knowledge – I do not just mean algebra, I mean life lessons. Like sex ed, finances and how to live in the real world, employability lessons and lessons on getting your house and paying your own bills. You shouldn’t just be taught that condoms are to protect against STD’s and pregnancy. You should be teaching ALL students the meaning of the word NO, how to respect the opposite sex. Telling someone how to use a condom is useless if they’re just going to rape a girl at a party because they thought ‘she wanted it’. Teach them that smacking people on the ass on the street is not okay. Why is this not being taught? Why?

2. Socializing and Connecting  – I have never understood same sex schools. I think its important that boys and girls mix in their teenage years. Most of the time they will end up growing up not knowing how to act around the opposite sex. Males and Females need to connect with the opposite sex when growing up, I think its damaging when they don’t. School is a in which teenagers can talk to their friends about familiar issues, they can talk about things they’re all going through together. I once a teacher who said ‘ you come here to learn not talk to your friends’ – never hated a teacher more in my life. Right, I am here to listen to teacher talk like they’re a walking textbook for 6 hours and then be given 2 hours of homework, so after an *entertaining* day at school I can go home, do homework, have my tea and go to bed – how interesting.

3. Change – You’re 11 when you walk into that school for the first time, everyone is massive compared to you, the building is intimidating and you’ve got a bag full of stuff you probably will never need or lose by Friday, you’re in year 7. Over the course of the next 5 years, you’re going to change. The things in your bag will change, your body will change, your thoughts and opinions will change. It’s called growing up, but so much of it is done in high school. The lessons learned, the mistakes made, the embarrassing stories forever engraved in your brain. That all happens between Year 7 and Year 11.

I wouldn’t go back to high school if someone had a gun to my head. Overly dramatic? Yes. I guess I just really hated High School.

It is September 1st 2017. A new academic year starts Monday, my brothers go back to school Wednesday (thank god) and a new year of schooling begins. One brother is going into his last year of high school – without a care in the world, may I add. Another goes into Year 9 – He doesn’t seem to bothered either to be honest. Is it a boy thing? Have a good year whether your going into High School, College, Uni or your working!

Shannon x

 

 

Posted in Q&AS, Uncategorized

Blogger Q&A – 3 year anniversary

I saw this post making its rounds again around the blogging community and thought I would finally do it as this month marks 3 years since I have had this blog. Having this blog has helped me become better at so many things. I enjoy writing and I still enjoy blogging. Blogging has become a massive part of my life. I rely on writing to express my feelings and make me understand what I am feeling a little better. I love interacting with you guys in the comments, on twitter and on Instagram. I appreciate all the support and I am so happy that my posts have helped you out somehow along the way. I have seen myself grow and change through the years by re-reading old posts, seeing where I was compared to where I am now and it has been so rewarding. Thank-you everyone who reads my blog!

The tag includes 8 questions and I am sorry but I do not know who created this tag. If you want to do this tag, I will have a set of unanswered questions at the bottom for you to copy, paste and fill in your self. Send me a link to your blog or answers via the comments or on twitter @lifeasshanx

How long have you been blogging?

3 years this month! I started my blog back in 2014, I don’t actually remember the date of my first published blog post but it was the first few weeks into August 2014.

Do you enjoy doing tags?

Yes, they’re my favourite blog posts to write. I am always looking for new tags I could do on other sites.

Do you follow back every blog that follows you?

I follow back accounts that I enjoy the content of. When someone follows me, I check out their site and see what they write about. If I enjoy their writing style and what they write about I will follow them back.

Describe yourself in 5 words

Stubborn, Passionate, Understanding, Sarcastic & Creative.

How many blog posts have you done?

87, not including this one.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you enjoy blogging?

10!

Who is your favourite blogger?

www.zoella.co.uk    Zoe Sugg is my favourite blogger at the minute.

Do you prefer writing or reading blog posts

Both really, I do enjoy reading blog posts as I love to know other peoples thoughts and compare them to my own. I like to learn new things and I do that through reading but I love to write and always have.

 

 

 

 

Posted in MyStorys

Will finding out I am Bi-Polar change me?

Most people hear the term Bi Polar and think ‘crazy person’ but no person with a mental illness is crazy. They’re unwell, sick, ill. People break their leg, they get the flu or they are diagnosed with a disease and they get time off work. Why? because they are physically unable to do their jobs. Yet, when someone goes off work for a mental illness such as anxiety or depression, people look at you like you’re faking it, they look at you like it’s not a real reason to not be working like everyone else. When people are diagnosed with cancer, break a bone or come down with a serious illness, everyone rallies around them. They send cards and flowers, magazines, they wish them well. They write notes like ‘Get well soon’. When someone is diagnosed with a mental illness however, an overwhelming number of people don’t even bother to text or phone that person to see how they are, never mind visiting them or sending a cute card that tells them how much they are missed in the office. Why? Well, there could be a lot of reasons, like I said before, maybe some think they’re faking it, maybe some think its not that important, maybe some don’t believe that mental illnesses can’t possibly go undetected by the public because to have a mental illness you must look ‘ crazy’… right?

Wrong. Yes, there are a number of mental illness that show signs to the public everyday. For instance, Personality Disorders and some forms of Schizophrenia can be noticed by people that work with the person, people who see them regularly but most mental illnesses are hidden very well by the person who is suffering. Just because a person looks confident, doesn’t mean they don’t judge themselves or their actions in their heads. Just people a person smiles and laughs in front of you, doesn’t mean they don’t go home, close front door and cry for hours. Just because a person looks healthy, happy and content with life, doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about suicide and ‘ending it’.

A lot of people these days are more aware of mental illnesses, they respect that they exist, they don’t stop being friends with someone because they have an illness, they don’t always understand it but they try to. But, even with family, friends and professionals looking after you in different ways, you still feel alone. Like you’re the only one on your side on the battle field. They’re all behind you, ready to defend you and help you but you’re front and centre and you feel overwhelmed, alone, scared. You think you can’t take this other side on, it’s too much and for some people, they lose the battle. Those people shouldn’t be called cowards or selfish. It isn’t fair that people say things like ‘they just gave up’. No, they didn’t ‘just give up’ they fought hard and painfully everyday. They got up every morning and breathed and they tried with everything they had to stay, to get better, to feel better. Suicide isn’t something someone with a mental illness does because they want attention or because they’re a coward. It is something that is done because mental illnesses are painful and frustrating and are cruel diseases.It pushes us away from the ones we love and it can even push us to end our own lives. Mental illnesses aren’t something to be swept under the rug, they do not deserve the stigma and they shouldn’t be something someone is ashamed of.

I’ve written countless times about anxiety and depression. I’ve wrote about their effects and how to deal with anxiety attacks and how to ease depression. I’ve written about the stigma that mental illnesses still hold and how having a mental illness affected my life and friends. Things have changed and my diagnoses has changed. You see, here in the UK, we have the NHS which is a wonderful thing, we don’t HAVE to have insurance to have access to see a doctor or to get medication. Operations are provided to us at a NHS hospital for free and Medication is only paid for if you have a job and earn over a certain amount a year. But, one thing the NHS falls short on is waiting times. It being a public service, much like the police, it has a lot of clients. ‘Walk in’ centres were created to put an ease on hospitals and doctors practices but yet their waiting lists are months long. If you go into a hospital and get admitted to A&E, you wait an average of 3 hours on a normal day. You go the walk in and you wait an average of 1.5 hours, although I have waited 3 hours in one once. You want an appointment with the doctor and sometimes have to wait a whole week before getting an appointment. They ask you if its an emergency when you call the doctor, they say you need to go the hospital if you have taken pills or cut yourself, but what they don’t tell you is that when you get the hospital, unless you’re dying, it’s not an emergency. You’re placed in a waiting room, you are put on a list, at the bottom. Just like when you go on the mental health crisis team waiting list. Six months can go by before you even hear anything back. Six months could be too late, six months isn’t acceptable. But, what else can someone with an average wage each month afford? They can’t go private. They have to rely on the NHS.

I was 14 when I first went the an NHS centre over something more serious than a water infection. It was when I was raped. They have documented proof of what I went through, my words, my ‘evidence’. They bounced me from counsellor to counsellor, each one as disappointing and unhelpful as the last. I didn’t give up though, I went through many different services, all claiming to have ‘helped me all they can’ or stating ‘we cannot help this person, they need a different company’. Because I had been raped and abused, they wanted to me to go a specialists for that, because I was attempting and contemplating suicide they suggested someone else for that as well, because I presented with mild anxiety and moderate depression, they suggested yet another company. I was 17 when I gave up going the hospital when I hurt myself. Years of bouncing from one company to another had me angry and frustrated. I kept thinking to myself, why don’t any of these people want to help me? You go the doctors and they don’t even listen, they want to get you out the door as fast as you walked through it. They don’t really listen, they ask a few questions, write something down and tell you they’re going to refer you to another company – yet again. You go the hospital and they bandage you up and send you home. How is that helpful?

I have spent many years confused. Why do I act this way? Why don’t I feel a certain way all the time? Why doesn’t my illness line up with that of someone with anxiety and depression. Did I have severe depression and anxiety or was it a completely different illness. Under 18’s are barely ever given meds, but as soon as I hit 18 they had me on an anti-depressant, at 19 I was on a beta blocker. They didn’t do much, maybe the anti-depressant dosage wasn’t high enough, but it was only helping make part of me feel better. Had they spent more time with me when I was 14, 15, 16, 17 or 18 maybe they would have diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder, something that only this year  I found out I suffer with.

Bi Polar disorder. Makes sense I thought before I was officially examined and diagnosed. At first I felt happy. I felt like everything finally made sense. The mood changes, the depressive episodes and the mad episodes. They are called super depressive and mania. I could be flying high for days, go without sleep for over 24 hours, I could laugh uncontrollably and talk really fast, I could do things I wouldn’t normally do, I could be wreck less. Then I could crash, I could be scared, alone and angry, I could be fearful of the world and resent everyone. I could stay in bed all day and sleep. Then sometimes, in-between the sadness and the madness I could be ‘normal’, I call this my ‘content period’. A time in which I do not feel really depressed and suicidal but I don’t feel wide awake and ‘over the top’.  It all made sense, to me, my best friends and my mum. But, after I got the diagnosis I was all of a sudden ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was so open about my anxiety and depression because so many people suffered from it. People in the public eye like Zoe Sugg suffers with anxiety, suffering from something successful people suffered from made me feel like I wasn’t alone, it made me feel hopeful that I could some day do something that amazing with my life. I don’t know anyone in the public eye with Bi-Polar, either because there aren’t a lot of people with it or because they aren’t comfortable being open about it, either way this made me feel ashamed and alone all over again. I hide my pills so no one will see them and ask what they are and what I am taking them for. I don’t talk about it to people I know. I’ve become closed off again. I may have people surrounding me and supporting me but I feel all alone.

Most people who know me think this is who I am. Oh, it’s Shannon. She’s fun sometimes, other times not so much. They must just think its my personality or mood swings. They probably do think I am a little strange or different. But I don’t know who I am so how can I expect them to know who the real me is. I thought I had myself figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted and who I was. I thought I knew what I liked and didn’t like but I don’t anymore. I am questioning everything. Over the last few months I have questioned who I am, why did I choose the people that are in my life? Are they friends with me because they like the Shannon that isn’t really who I am or are they my friends because they see through that? I can’t see through it. I have been pushed, slapped, abused and spoke down too. I have been told I’m not good enough, I’ve walked down a hall with people looking at me as I pass and whispering about me when I have my back to them. I have had people call me every word imaginable. I was raped by my boyfriend, my first ever boyfriend. I was hit by my stepdad when I was 10 because he didn’t like the person I was/am. I live in a house with the mother I love with everything, but a stepdad who acts as if I am invisible. So, when people ask me if I have ‘built a wall’, you can surely bet on my answer being yes. After years of tear downs and mean words and abusive men I stopped caring. I stopped caring so much what men said to me or did. I still cry but every time someone hurts me, I get a thicker skin, a harder shell. I am all the clichés. I am the ‘tough nut to crack’. I’m seen as cold and vindictive and bitchy sometimes, because I don’t open up or because I close myself off. I don’t get excited with my friends about boys or going on holiday. I guess I always assume the boy is going to hurt them and that something bad is going to happen. I have become negative and tough on the outside but inside I don’t always feel like that. Sometimes it feels like an act. Sometimes a word or a name or an action can hurt like a punch to the stomach. I just act as if I am not the least bit bothered. So, who am I? If I get better on these meds, does that mean my personality changes? The person I have taught myself to be to the world, will that change? Will my laugh and smile go away? Most of the time, the only time I actually smile and laugh is when I am being manic. Will I not be the same person or will I stay the same? Mybe this is who I am, but it scares me. It’s hard to admit but it scares me to think about my future and the person I don’t know inside me.

I don’t like uncertainty. It’s one of the only things left that still scare me to death.


This a hard post for my to share, sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I have only done one re-read. The issues talked about in this post are upsetting to me and posting this post makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. However, I know other people suffer with similar illnesses and even know this post doesn’t offer any advice only my opinion and experience, it could still help other people, that and the fact I needed to get some things off my chest is why this post is public.

Shannon x

Posted in Advice♥, Slimming World

Low Syn Snacks & Treats – Slimming World.

Since starting a diet in March I have lost two stone. I didn’t do it by not eating enough, or onlt eating fruit or not eating carbs. I did it by joining a group, one that didn’t tell me to cut major food groups out of my diet, they never tell you that you can’t have something, they simply advise you on what’s better for you and informing you on what you can eat instead of something full of calories. I thought when I started Slimming World that takeaways, treats and carbs would be wiped off the table and that I would be shouted at for even thinking about pasta or a portion of chips and curry from the chippy. I was wrong. Once a week I go to a group near me with other people who are there for the same reason as I – to lose weight the healthy way. You’re given a booklet full of information when you start, including a book that informs you on most of the food you eat on a daily basis. There are multiple sections in this book. One section tells you what fruit and veg are ‘speed’ (helps you lose weight faster), another part of the book tell you what ‘A’ and ‘B’ choices you can have each day ( I normally got for 30g cheese for my A choice and 2 pieces of Hovis 400g bread). Then there is a section in the back full of ‘syns’. Syns are things that have a high calorie count. For instance, chocolate has syns in, as well as sausages. It is recommended that you have no more then 15 syns a day if you want to lose weight, not gain. You also have a section full of ‘free’ food. Like, rice, pasta, potatos etc. So, for instance you ate a jacket potato with butter and cheese for your dinner, the potato is free, if you only use 30g cheese, that’s your A choice and for 1 teaspoon of LIGHT butter, it’s 2 syns. You can skip the butter for a syn free meal or simply minus 2 syns from your daily allowance of syns. It’s easy to follow and after a few weeks of referring back to the book and online site, which you are given a pin to when you gain, you will be able to remember the syn count for most basic foods, like butter, mayonnaise and a packet of maltsters. Some treats have more syns in than others and over the last few months I have brought together a list of snacks and treats that are low in syn but that I still really enjoy, they take away the cravings I have and stop me from binge eating and undoing all the work I have done up to now.

This is my list of low syn treats and snacks! Let me know in the comments about your favourite low syn snacks and treats.

Meringues

Possibly one of my favourite treats to have when I feel I need a little treat on a Monday evening.

Syn Count – 2 syns per nest.

Price – £1.25 at ASDA (Extra Special, 8 nests)

5052449589917_280_IDShot_3

Sugar Free Strawberry Jelly Sachets

I love these because they are cheap and very low in syns. There are 2 sachets in each pack and they make a lot of jelly then the premade pots you can buy, yet have the same amount of syns.

Syn Count – 1/2 per sachet.

Price – 74p at ASDA

5000354160943_280_IDShot_3

French Fries (Crisp)

These have always been one of my favourite crisps and luckily they aren’t the highest in syns compared to other crisps

Syn Count – 4.5 per packet.

Price – £1.45 for 6 packets at Asda.

5012005290107_280_IDShot_3

 

Cadburys Highlights (sachets, 11g)

Sometimes I get fed up with drinking tea, or diet soda and want a cup of hot chocolate. These 11g sachets are the perfect treat.

Syn Count – 2 per sachet (with water)

Price – 4 sachets for £1 at ASDA

96033197_280_IDShot_3

 

Fab (Lolly Ice)

Thank god there is a lolly ice out there that is easy to get a hold of and cheap. Everyone wants to enjoy a lolly ice at the beach or park with the kids on a hot day, so luckily this fab lolly ice doesn’t go over your daily syn count!

Syn Count – 4 per lolly 

Price – £1 for a box of 6 at ASDA (the birthday cake edition is about 25p more and weirdly half a syn less at 3.5 syns)

5010238015252_280_IDShot_3

Nutella 

I don’t know a person who doesn’t like Nutella. I mean, there must be people out there who don’t like the chocolate spread, but they’re rear. Nutella isn’t the lowest in syns but 1 tablespoon on toast or straight from the spoon is the same amount of syns as the FAB lollies and will settle your chocolate cravings.

Syn Count – 4 per tablespoon (1.5 for teaspoon) 

Price – £1.50 for 200g at ASDA 

80135463_280_IDShot_3

 

Peanut Butter

Peanut butter is something I only ever eat when put into something, like my peanut butter cupcakes which are NOT slimming world acceptable. Lets just say they’re only made for special occasions as a whole tub of peanut butter goes into 24 cupcakes. But, my mum does like peanut butter and like Nutella, if she is craving some will have a tablespoon on her B choice for the day.

Syn Count – 4.5 syns for 1 tablespoon (1.5 syns for 1 teaspoon)

Price – £2.58 for 340g at ASDA (the whole earth one, asda own is about 95p for 400g) 

5011835101058_280_IDShot_3

 

Aero Mouse Yogurt/Dessert

These are great for a low syn dessert or treat during the day. They are cheap and easy.

Syn Count – 4.5 syns per yogurt (59g pot)

Price – £1.40 for 4 at ASDA 

3023290624012_280_IDShot_3

Snack a Jacks (Caramel)

These are one of the lower syned treats on here. They are again cheap for the amount you get and you can have a few of these for the same amount of syns at are in a packet of crisp.

Syn Counts – 2.5 for each 

Price – £1.79 per packet at ASDA

5000108884231_280_IDShot_3

 

These are my picks, if you want a part two let me know below. What are your favourites? Are you also on Slimming World. Comment below or tweet me @lifeasshanx

 

Shannon x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized

ALL ABOUT MY TV SHOWS TAG

 

I saw this tag going around on various bloggers sites so I thought I would do my own version of it. I have the 10 questions on the original tag and have added 5 of my own to it. I do not know who created this tag so I am giving credit to www.drizzleandhurricanbook.com as it was their site I got the idea to do this tag!

So, I don’t feel like I really need to say anymore about what this tag is. Let me know your answers are in the comments or on your own blog and tag me in them on twitter so I can see what your answers are! @lifeasshanx

 

Favourite/ Best Quote 

Anything from one tree hill, all their quotes are worth hearing and taking something from. Here is a bigger list of my favourite one tree hill quotes! There are too many to put here.  ttps://www.theodysseyonline.com/23-one-tree-hill-quotes-to-live-by

One-Tree-Hill-Quote-one-tree-hill-33234917-552-402tumblr_m4x4nxjp8N1qlccb8o1_1280


First TV Show You Watched

I don’t remember the first TV show I watched but I do remember my first favourite show and that was Friends.

th423L71EG


All Time Favourite TV Show

This is one that changes a lot actually, At this current minute, it is Bones. I only started watching this show last year, but ended up buying every season on DVD and whenever I need a distraction this show goes on.


Your Character Crush 

NATHAN SCOTT.

Nothing else needs to be said


Favourite OTP

Speaking of Nathan Scott, my favourite OTP is Nathan Scott and Haley James from One Tree Hill. Actually I have to also add Dr Brennan and Agent Booth from Bones. I can’t pick just one!


Most Disappointing Ending/Cancellation

There are lots of shows that I didn’t want to end – Revenge, Bones and 2 Broke Girls to name a few but The Secret Circle was probably the most annoying cancellation out there. The acting was good, the storyline/plot was interesting and the quality was more then good enough, so why didn’t a show that left off on a massive cliff hanger get a season 2 or movie to wrap things up? I loved the books, I even read the 3 that came out in 2012/2013 that weren’t written by the original author but I was so annoyed by this cancellation, as you can tell 6 years on I am still bitter.

thG1WM6BOZ


A Show You Would Like To Be On

Easy, Gilmore Girls and for two reasons. One, I want to live in Stars Hollow and two, I want a Lorelai Gilmore in my life!


A Character You’d Love To Take Out On A Date 

Do I have to say it again? Nathan Royal Scott, anyday…

thWBV24744


A Popular TV Show You Can’t Stand

I don’t care how many times this show is pushed on to me, I will never like it. It will never beat Buffy The Vampire Slayer, never. Sorry, but the show I can’t stand is The Vampire Dairies 

thIHGVIYBH


A Scene That Made You Cry

When Lance died on Bones, I cried that whole episode to be honest.


A Character With A Killer Wardrobe 

Yes, these styles are from 1994 but I loved Rachel Green’s style in the early seasons. They were cute and I would wear them today!

thXKORDOI3

thUJVN9CUFth99XTVJ1D


Favourite Friendship 

It’s hard to find a loyal friend in real life, but I love these women because they support each over and don’t judge eachover even though they are different. Again I don’t just have one. Max and Caroline – 2 Broke Girls. Angela and Brennan – Bones. Brooke and Haley – One Tree Hill. Monica and Rachel – Friends.


A Show That Everyone Should Watch

I can’t tell you how much I love this show. Maybe it’s because I relate so much to Callie or maybe because of its amazing portrayal of ongoing issues in the world. From LGBT rights, The foster care system to family. Its a show everyone should be watching. The Fosters!

thKNZ8CDOM


A Show That Makes You Laugh Every Time

Brooklyn nine nine has the ability to make me smile and laugh everytime I rewatch it!

thORMHO659


A Show With The Best Music 

One Tree Hill wins this. Fair and Square. The One Tree Hill soundtrack has songs for every mood and I have found so many new bands from this show that I still love today! They always find the perfect song to fit the scene.

thXYPNQVO6


This is just a small insight into my favourite TV shows, they’re are plently of other shows that I watch that aren’t on this list like

  • Law & Order : SVU
  • Chicago PD, Chicago Fire and Chicago Med
  • Criminal Minds
  • The Middle
  • Modern Family
  • Riverdale
  • NCIS
  • Bull
  • Pretty Little Lairs
  • Switched at Birth

Okay, there are to many to name…

Do you agree with my choices? Let me know below!


Shannon x

Posted in MyStorys, Uncategorized

Best Episodes Of One Tree Hill

It’s a magical place, son. I’ve seen that magic in your eyes for the past nine years. There’s only one Tree Hill, Jamie Scott. And it’s your home.”

There are plenty of good shows out there, shows that make us laugh, make us cry, make us think, make us change what we believe in but One Tree Hill did all of those things. A show that started about two brothers brought up very differently turned into a show that would set the standards high for any future shows. To choose the best episode or season would be impossible because there are so many episodes that scream out at me for being important in their own way. There are so many reasons why this show is special, how it’s different. This was the show that changed my outlook on life, the way I thought about life and ambitions and dreams, family and friends, love and heartache. The storylines were interesting and drama filled, the characters relatable and full of depth but what made this show stand out was the music, the show centres around music, the music helps the scene, it tells a story all by its self.

01-16-2004-Planet-Hollywood-bethany-joy-lenz-and-james-lafferty-6438518-2560-1786
(Left to right) – Haley, Nathan, Jake, Peyton, Lucas, Brooke.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Like I said its impossible to name ONE favourite episode, so I’m going to name ALL my favourite episodes.

Season 3 Episode 16 –

With tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, we slept.

This episode gave us a wake up call that not everything  ‘turns out okay in the end’ when two people don’t make it out of Tree Hill High School alive. This episode makes it on to this list for multiple reasons. The first being the amazing acting done in this episode done by Colin Fickes (Jimmy Edwards), Craig Sheffer (Keith Scott), Bethany Joy Lenz ( Haley James Scott, James Lafferty (Nathan Scott), Sophia Bush (Brooke Davis), Chad Michael Murray (Lucas Scott), Hilarie Burton (Peyton Sawyer) and the rest of the cast of the season 3 episode. The tragic and anger ridden ending we were given left me speechless. From this day on, Dan Scott was nothing but an evil man in my eyes, someone who made your blood boil, someone who didn’t deserve the forgiveness he so much wanted.

Season 3 Episode 22 –

The Show Must Go On.

Something I wanted to see all through season three was Nathan and Haley rekindle their relationship, so this episode was meant to be all smiles and happy tears but instead of ending the season with Nathan and Haley leaving for their honeymoon to London, we get a car plummeting off a bridge into the river below with Nathan’s uncle and Rachel inside. The screams from Haley ended the season. Oh, and we find out Karen is pregnant and someone else.

Season 4 Episode 09 –

Some You Give Away.

This is probably one of my favourite episodes from the whole series, I don’t really know why, whenever they focus around the basket ball games and all the main characters are together, it makes me a littler happier. This episode makes me happy but it also made my bring up my hands to cover my mouth in shock. This episode, to me, sees all these characters looking into the future and the past. Haley is pregnant with Nathans child, they’re her future. Nathan is going to be father and is about to lose one of his other loves – basketball. Luca’s doesn’t think about the future when he doesn’t take his meds and Skillz is looking at impressing scouts for college. This episode is about the future and how what you do today can affect your future.

Season 4 Episode 17 –

It gets worse at night

Something a little uplifting. After Nathan and Haley’s not so romantic prom (pregnant with a healing broken leg) and Brooke and Peyton’s Prom of Horror (Pysco Derek), they all needed( and us honestly) a break away from Tree Hill, so what better place to save Mouth and crash a Prom then Honey Grove, Texas. Oh and Chris Keller is joining them. of course.

Season 7 Episode 22

Almost everything I wish I’d said the last time I saw you.

As you can tell, I like an episode when all the main characters are together. I loved how they ended this episode, well not the shooting 2 people part, the Haley part. The season had been hard on Haley, losing her mother and seeing her go through those stages of depression was relatable and made me love Haley so much more and I loved the way she found her way back. Depression doesn’t take a day to heal, I loved that they didn’t condense her depression into one episode, but I was glad she was finally healing at the end of this episode. Lot’s of amazingly cute things also happened in this episode, proposals and pregnancies!

Season 8 Episode 11

Darkness on the Edge of Town

This episode made me cry, I actually thought we had lost Brooke Davis and I was crying for Julien and for myself because she was one of the best female leads in this show, but luckily, she doesn’t die and it became one of the best, albeit upsetting episodes of one tree hill.

Season 8 Episode 13 –

The other half of me

Finally. That is all I can say about this episode. We watched Brooke Davis get cheated on by her high school boyfriend Lucas with her best friend, she was brought up in a family that didn’t seem to care much about her and was attacked, twice. She was told she couldn’t have kids and she had her heart broken a few times. She lost Sam, she didn’t even get to meet the baby she was going to adopt, so when Brooke Davis got marred in season 8, I thought, finally the girl gets some happiness. Finally.

Season 8 Episode 18

Quite little voices

Season 8 was full of memorable episodes, this one being one. With flash backs of Naleys past, we see them about to welcome a second baby into the Scott family, everyone is excited and happy for them, but Brooke’s heart is breaking again after she finds out, she isn’t going to be a mother…yet.

Season 9 Episode 10

Hardcore will never die, but you will.

Nathan is rescued, thank god. But his dad has been shot. Chris Keller is there, of course and this is probably one of the only times that I liked Dan Scott. And quick question… why did they have to bring back the disgusting man that attacked Brooke!

Season 9 Episode 13

One Tree Hill

Come on, I had to mention the last ever episode of One Tree Hill. This episode made me happy, from start to finish. The flashbacks, the music, the words. Not many shows get that great ending, but this one did and when I ended One Tree Hill, I didn’t know what to do next, it had become such a massive part of who I was. I loved this show, not just because of the music or the characters but for the storylines and plots, for everything really.

 


Quick Q & A

Favourite Character – Brooke Davis

Favourite Couple – Nathan Scott and Haley James Scott ‘NALEY’

Favourite Friendship – Brooke Davis and Haley James Scott

Hated at first but grew to love – Alex Dupre

Favourite season – Seasons 3 and 8

nathan scottquotehaley jamesquote

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Intimacy, Sex, and Freedom

The Boys I Encounter

I’m about a week late on this. A year and some odd days ago, I started The Boys I Encounter. First and foremost, thank you to all of my followers. You have liked and commented and supported my blog, and I am grateful you have been there every step and through my ups and downs. I know that sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I post every day for several days straight. Very inconsistent, but that’s life.

A little over a year ago, I opened my blog with my Introduction and quick follow up to declare I’m Taking a Break from Boys. What sparked this urge to write a one year post was actually a boy I was just beginning to forget. This boy is Sexy Six Pack Boy, he re-added me on snapchat today and I realized it has been just over a year since I…

View original post 702 more words