Always Love

My boss once told me she doesn’t hate, she doesn’t like certain people but she simply just doesnt hate anyone. How do you do that? I asked one day while talking about past relationship’s and abusive partners. I don’t know how she does it, maybe its my age, maybe its my past but how can’t you hate at least one person in this world when its full of nasty disgusting people. I should see the good in people right? Because I’m young and naive but I’m not naive and I may only be 18 but my mind is years ahead, about 20 years ahead. So why, unlike my boss can’t I get over something or someone enough to let go of the hate. I think its because the pain is still raw, its only been 4 years since “B” hurt me, only 3 since my dad died and only 2 since another took all my trust for anyone away. I used to be this hurt little girl but for years I’ve known I need to be tougher and stronger and the last year I have gained confidence and strength, the kind of things I needed to be this person who takes no shit from people and doesn’t let people walk all over me. I stand up for what I believe in and tell my opinions because Im not some silly little girl, I like to be challenged and I love to learn and listen and be there for people. I sound like a 18 year old young girl but if you really listen to what I’m saying, you would think I wasa 60 year old who had seen the world and lived through it all. But I’m just me. I do hold a grunge to those who hurt me but they don’t scare me and I wont put my head down when they go past, I’m someone who’s still learning who I am and what my purpose is but I’m also that someone that found a reason to keep living even after being in the darkest of places! I don’t think its immature to hate, I just still hold the pain of what these people did close to my chest and maybe that will go away some day, that grip on the hatred I have for them, maybe it will loosen and fly away one day. Maybe it never will.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s