Advice♥, MyStorys

The Stigma & Sexism In Sex

Sex is a subject, that to this day is still quite ‘hush, hush’. I am one of those people who does not mind talking about sex, but I know a lot of people out there are still quite a prude about it.

As a woman, i feel the world see’s Virginity as some big life event, but with men it isn’t a big deal at all, this is not true. Sex does not have to be a big deal. Sex is not just for reproduction. It is for pleasure and It can bring people close and produce chemistry between them. I hate the word ‘virginity’, people use statement to say a virgin is pure and innocent. It is degrading. A person can still be innocent even after sex. I get really annoyed whenever someone talks about ‘losing’(they’re,your) virginity. By having sex you are not losing anything, i think woman feel like they should not be having sex, or feel guilty and embarrassed about sex because the whole stigma, that having sex for the first time is losing something precious and sacred. Sex is sex. Animals have sex for 2 reasons, to reproduce and for pleasure, they do not think about the ‘sacredness’ behind not having had sex before.

When deciding to have sex for the first time, i would say there is a way of going about it.

  • Do it in a place you feel comfortable, it will be less painful if you are relaxed and feel safe.
  • Do it with someone you trust and know well. (close friend, partner)
  • Use some sort of birth control. Condoms, The pill, IUD, ect.
  • Are ready to start being sexually active.


Having sex for the first time can be scary, but remember you are in control. It should be something that you do because you want to do it. Any age after the legal age in your country is fine. That law is set for a reason. In the UK it is 16, and if you want to have sex at 17, go for it. Don’t listen to the judgement of others, it is your body and your decision and i do not think it is okay for people to judge another person based on the age they had sex. Keeping the legal age of consent in mind, it does not matter how old or young(in legal age,of course) someone is when they have sex. The most important things about sex are, that you are ready, that you are doing it with a person you trust and they you use protection. Sex might not be the best at first, movies make it out to be this amazing, special thing the first time but it not that way. Chances are they’ll be some pain, some blood. You might not know what to do and it may be a little weird and uncomfortable. But with time and experience it does get better. That is why if someone was waiting for marriage to have sex, I’d most likely say have sex a couple times before so you actually enjoy it on your wedding night, but of course this is down to their own beliefs,so.

I am sick of the judgements woman get for wanting sex. Men have spent their whole existence having sex and being the ones to be named a ‘stud’ for having sex with a number of different woman. When women sleep with a number of men she is deemed a ‘slut’. It is unacceptable. Why can’t women have countless sexual partners like most men?   The whole idea that woman should save themselves for marriage and should wait till they are older to have sex is sexist. If a man can have sex at 18 and not get criticized for it so can woman. Woman like sex, Woman want sex, just as much as men. Some woman will not admit it because they are embarrassed or worried of being judged because as a woman, they feel it should be kept quiet. Some women will express it, I am one of those woman.

Having sex for the first time can be special, but only if YOU want it to be. Not because everyone tells you it should be special. Everyone has their own preferences. When I had sex for the first time, it wasn’t a big thing, neither is it now.  Yes it is nice with someone you love like a partner but that doesn’t mean sex without love isn’t fun and exciting. If you want an open sex life, go for it! Just make sure you are protected. When you do ever settle down with someone you love, and have sex. The fact you have had sex many times before does not make sex with the person you love any less special or exciting. It is not about how many people you have had sex with, if you love that person, who and how many people who have engaged with previously does not matter.

I am aware this subject is a very controversial one, but that was not going to stop me from posting my views, as i feel i have a right to. I am aware that some people’s beliefs are different from mine and i do respect that. This is just my opinion and it was more to do with the stigma behind sex and the sexism that is hovering over it. I am in no way judging a person who wants to wait til marriage, if that is how this post come of.  


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