One thing I feel I know so much about is being broken hearted. There has been times were iv spent days and days crying and feeling down over someone who broke my heart. Luckily I haven’t been broken hearted by many boys, iv only ever felt broken hearted by three boys. One of them was a crush that I wish I had got over sooner. One of them was my first boyfriend and the third one was one of my best mates. After been hurt by these three boys, I start to think maybe its true what they say… all boys are the same, but I know that that’s not true and after a while the fog lifts and the crying stops and my faith in humanity is kind of restored, not all boys are the same. You tubers like Alfie Deyes and Marcus Butler made me see that there are a lot of boys out there that are amazing and nothing but respectful to girls.
I guess when you’re in love, your heart is exposed to the other person, you’re trusting them with it, trusting them to break it and if they do break it, it can hurt so much. I think that’s why people these days need to be so careful with who they ‘love’. There has been times were I would be lying in bed and I’d remember a memory and just start crying my eyes out and I’d do anything to stop it but it was nearly impossible. At the time all I wanted was them and I couldn’t see the bad in them, until I forced my self too to make myself feel better and then id realise why I wasn’t with this person.
Last year I was going throw such a difficult time. I had only months before broken up with my abusive boyfriend who took my innocence away from me as well as trust I had for boys but the worst thing he took from me was the carefreeness. I used to be carefree and now I can never be that girl again. So I was going throw the PDS of what happened to me as well as depression and just wanting to die. Anyway one of my best boy mates promised he was by my side the whole time but it turns out he just used me instead. I trusted him, he was the only boy I could trust at this time and the only boy I could be around without feeling scared and unhappy. He was there for me at first, he’d come and see me and stand up for me and stay up late to talk me to me when I couldn’t sleep because of my nightmares. One day he started talking to me in a way that was a little bit more flirty and closer then just a friendship, and I thought I trust him and maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, it was just a kiss but he kept wanting more and stupid vulnerable me gave it to him because I was worried if I didn’t he would either hurt me too or leave me and I needed that friendship from him that closeness, with everything I was going throw, but he used me instead. Over the past year he has come in and out of my life a few times and every times I either think I’m going to cut him out of my life or I’m not going to fall for him again but it kept happening. Its like he did it on purpose because every time he’d get back in touch with me he would have a girlfriend. Early this year he came back into my life, and am glad I know were I am with him now because am so glad were not even friends because he’s a horrible human being. This year I realised things I wish I had last year, I realised he only wanted a ‘friends with benefits’ kind of relationship, I just wanted a friendship with him. I had actually ‘friend zoned’ him because it was for the best. So we was friends and just friends for a while until I was inviting him to come hang out and he’d be like NO , he’d say it was pointless coming all the way down to were I live just to hand out. He wanted the friends with benefits. I didn’t. I realised that I couldn’t even have a friendship with this lad, even the months we was just friends, he’s treat me like rubbish. He once called me a Bitch because he was angry. My best boy mate was kind of starting to become my EX and that was the scariest thing ever. So I am glad to say we are no longer friends and when he try’s to come back into my life again. He wont be getting in. I have to say though he broke my heart, that was the point of that story, he hurt me, used me and left me when he didn’t need or want me anymore, when something better or someone better came along he pushed me away like I meant nothing to him. It hurt so much. Looking at his instragram pictures hurt me for so long, id cry and hate myself and wonder if I should contact him. Having your heartbroken sucks. Period.
It doesn’t take over night to get over someone so you cant except it to take overnight to feel less heartbroken. It sometimes takes longer. I wish I had realised sooner that Young Love isn’t everything and realising that I would get over it someday.